If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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