Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
