Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
