I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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