please come you make the beer taste better
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
