I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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