My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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