Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Dear god my vagina.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
