I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
