She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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