my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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