My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
