I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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