Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Boobs are out for the taking
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Randomize
