just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
