I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
