He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
