haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
