i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
