Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
