ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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