tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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