Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
