K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
How's work?
Spinning.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
