Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
