You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
