My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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