I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
