Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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