So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
