Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
