I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
