Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
