apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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