My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
