I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just had sex on a roof
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
