Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
