I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
