Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
