we have pet lesbian snakes
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
