Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
