do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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