physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I just gargled with NyQuil
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
