you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
