I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
