Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
