Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
