If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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