Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
