How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
