I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
