somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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