Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
