Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
