I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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