i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
