literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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