I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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