Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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