Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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