I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
