I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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