from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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